COME OUT! BE REAL!
16 Aug 2015
Yesterday I watched a funny video that explored how straight people would come out in a gay world. Then I watched another where a smart teenager comes out to his parents who live in a not-smart world. I recommend you watch them both.
I found both views funny and revealing at the same time, in that they helped me connect to a part of me that often thinks:
Am I crazy or is this world I live in really nuts? Is there something wrong with me because I don’t think or act like many people do? I see people making ongoing personal and business decisions that I think are unlikely to have a good result, but the people are confident they are doing the right thing and I wonder, "do they really know what they’re doing?" And if I say something, they see me as a loser who doesn’t see the world as they do.
I have spent endless hours over many years exploring the inner workings of my mind, my emotions and soul. And I find that the more I see, the more I see that others don’t see what I see while I can't see what others see. And we try to make others fit into our world!
Many of us can get caught up in the pettiness of life, in following rules, in getting by, in making a living and trying to survive. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, but I find if we are overly focused on these things we can lose the big picture perspective; we lose sight of what life is really about for us, what we are doing and who we really are, becoming puppets to our fears and/or to other people's expectations of us.
These struggles, of trying to fit in a world in which we really don’t fit, can create enormous stress, health issues and identity problems as well as consequences for what I call “our sanity”.
Now, if we believe the world is right and we are wrong, we can destroy our self-esteem. If we believe we are right and others are wrong, we may end up living in delusion and with false pride. It seems to me the ideal would be for each person to find who they are, what they are like, what works for each and what doesn’t--while we respect others' ways.
I find this is easier said than done. Imagine you grew up with parents who are ministers of a church and you are an atheist. Imagine you are a meat eater when everyone around you is a vegetarian. Or what if you are an entrepreneur who takes risks and likes to build, and you are surrounded by managers who are afraid of losing control and takings risks, and perhaps even afraid of you? Or what if you are someone who believes in angels, aliens, God and other spiritual ideas that are difficult to prove, and you live in a town of hard core scientists?
What if you decide to come out and tell everyone the truth about yourself, what you believe and think? Would you feel afraid of being rejected, shunned, or getting fired? People may gossip abut us and we may have negative social consequences. But what if we are not true to ourselves? What if we pretend to be someone we’re not? What if we lie and don’t tell people how we really feel and what we think?
The effects would be living life in a box surrounded by walls of fears that became bigger and bigger the more we lied or pretended, until there came a point where some would say: Enough! If I continue this way my soul is going to die and with it all the positive aspects of my life.
The stakes often are our soul vs acceptance, our soul vs not challenging the status quo, our soul vs pretending, or our soul vs inner death.
This doesn’t mean we need to go out and shout to the world what we think and feel. We don’t have to share with everyone what we are about all of the time. No, not at all. It means to commit to be true to ourselves, while being respectful of others, but not necessarily accommodating their views, or behaviors. It means not having to apologize for who we are, but only for our mistakes.1
This commitment can lead us to have some tough conversations where sometimes, in the best of cases, we may agree that we disagree and each moves on a different path. And that is ok! Each person needs to find their right way of living and that way may not agree with others' way. Our way may even be offensive to others, but is it to us?
Let's live and let others live, respecting each other, and coming together to share in the areas where we have something in common. And if our differences are not threatening to our survival or destructive to anyone, who are we to force our way onto others?
It is my hope that each of us becomes true to ourselves as we learn who we are and what works for us. It is my wish that each human being has a smile on their face, and is proud of themselves, even if that means being different. Conformity can be a slow death to the soul when we don’t agree with the norms.
Find your way my friend, find your joy, find your light and let yourself come out as you become real and proud of yourself. And share with the world that truth is better than fear, that your soul is your life force, and that that is all you have and it is not for sale. Share your love, share your laughs and help to open the path for those who want to find themselves but don’t know how.
© Edgar Boone
1. I heard this quote on another very interesting video.
2. Another funny and interesting video of a straight guy coming out to his gay parents.