(Motherhood)

13 May 2012

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion that you’ll find that love actually is all around.

The film “Love Actually” begins with this quote. The first time I saw it, I was moved by it instantly, and it inspired me again when I watched it yesterday. I suppose it is because I agree with the idea. As an avid reader of current events, I get the sense that it’s rare to find positive news in the media. It’s easy to start thinking that humanity is doomed or that the people often profiled in the media are a reflection of all of us. It can be a morbid experience to read or watch the news because it mostly focuses on the negative aspects of being human.

Of course not all news is like this. But I see a growing tendency to focus on gossip and not on facts or what’s important for all of us, what can help us move forward. Why does this happen? It happens because for most media, profit comes before doing what’s right. And focusing on what’s wrong with the world is profitable. The news emphasizes our problems, which can lead us to feel down. But are we only made up of our problems?

Even with our negative aspects, we continue to strive, survive, grow, and come up with new ways of doing things. We invent devices that make our lives easier and more fun. We’ve found many ways to express ourselves through dancing, singing, music, theater, movies, songwriting, business, parenthood, friendship, etc. Are all these endeavors worthless because we also have so much struggle in our lives? I don’t think so. On the contrary, if we remember what matters and focus on that, all the rest becomes easier to swallow.

So what is it that matters? What is it that makes our lives worth living? This is a personal question for each of us, though there does seem to be one common denominator. Most of us live for love. We’re either looking for love or we’re looking for ways to express love—to share love, to care.

A family affair

Today I had the honor of joining a family for a Mother’s Day dinner. Present were two mothers (who are also sisters), one of their husbands, their daughter and their son. Two friends of the family were also there.

As in any family, there are always issues that come up, but I had a lovely time. We came together to honor motherhood, to honor what it means to be a mother. I had a chance to get to know them a little bit, to get a sense of what it must be like to be them. I wondered what it must have taken to raise the kind of children they raised. I realized that mothers in general seem to have a sense of caring that those who aren’t mothers don’t have.

Only moms know what it takes to raise children. Only they know what it’s like to love a vulnerable little baby and help it grow to reach its potential. Of course each and every mother has different skills and ways of parenting, and some are better than others. But for most, love is what drives them. Love is what motivates them to wake up in the middle of the night and feed a crying baby, love is what leads them to work harder and make enough to pay for their children’s education. Only love will help them to be patient when their children grow up and hit their defiant stage. Only love is what keeps us together despite our issues.

Love is the glue that brings us together, builds our humanity, our care for each other. Without this, without a strong foundation of love, we fall off track and become superficial people looking to fill this lack of love with things from the external world. Without a strong capacity to love we can become lost and confused, searching for something we can’t even define. We may look for it in the wrong places, believing cars, houses, money or other people can give it to us.

The person who loves has found the secret of a worthy life.

It all starts with our mothers. Usually, they are the ones who take care of us when we’re born. We are in their hands, in their care. They become our foundation, our support and our sustenance until we become able. They help us through the whole journey, from learning to walk to learning to nourish ourselves to learning to talk and communicate. Most mothers are there, present, when all of this happens. How much is this worth? How much is it worth to have loving mothers raise us?

During the dinner, I observed one of the mothers cooking and serving our food. She seemed happy to be there, happy to have her family together. Of course, some of the struggles most families experience came up, but for a moment as we sat together, she seemed content.

I asked her if she liked having her whole family close by so they could get together often, and she said yes. It was as if she lived to care for others. Once a mother, she could never go back.

And as I watched the family during this lovely afternoon in warm spring weather, I saw my friends’ faces light up when they shared what they’re passionate about. This is an important aspect of humanity. It was a reunion, a time when people came together to share, to learn, to love, to care, to eat, to honor and to celebrate.

Why isn’t there front-page news about this? Why aren’t the newspapers telling the world that there are still people who love? They aren’t printing big headlines which say: LOVE IS ALIVE! LOVE IS ALL AROUND!

Imagine if they did. How would people react to that kind of news? Would they buy the newspaper? Would they be curious enough to read it? Or is this not news to us? Do we take love for granted so much that it’s not even worthy of the front page of an international newspaper? What would people say about a big media company that printed something as simple and basic as this: “Today some people came together in this country to honor their mothers. Today we are reminded of the importance of caring and love. Today we are reminded that humanity is more than our issues and problems. Today our hope is renewed by the example of those who have continued to love despite life’s challenges.”

What would happen to such a newspaper? What would you think? Would you read the story? I would. I’d be curious because it would be so unusual. Is printing something like this more important than covering power-seekers who lie to get into positions of power in governments because they don’t have enough self-love?

I think love and humanity are underrated. I think materialism is overrated. It doesn’t take much to be moved by an act of caring towards another. It doesn't take much for our heart to melt when someone goes out of their way to make sure we’re ok. It doesn’t take much to understand that without this, our lives would be empty.

But we still get lost seeking love somewhere else instead of starting with ourselves and those around us. Yes, this may sound clichéd and trite, but it’s what makes us excited to see a loved one. It’s why a father wants to play ball with his son. It’s what makes macho males behave like innocent little boys when they play with their daughters.

If we look--if we really look--we may find that love is all around us. And we may discover we are beautiful creatures trying to find our way. We may realize most of us feel vulnerable in a world we don’t believe we can trust. And we may learn love can heal all internal wounds. Then we will be more wealthy than we could ever dream of, we would be rich with love. And this is what many mothers already have.

Love Is All Around