A Normal Life

24 April 2012

I can’t live denying the pain of our fellow humans and I can’t live carrying guilt for their situation.

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A group of men were beheaded and thrown in an empty lot; a celebrity bashes on another celebrity; a woman wins the lottery twice; government officials quit running a country because they can’t agree on how to stabilize the budget; a man is on trial because he killed an “innocent” man supposedly in self-defense; a country is planning its third nuclear test and threatens another with war; another country is killing its own people because they are protesting on the streets. 

These are some of the news I’ve read in the last few days. How shall I take these “news”? After reading all of the above, am I to start my day as I usually do? I like to start my day by reading the news while I have breakfast, and then I go on with my work. Do I need to become desensitized to what’s happening to my fellow humans so I can go on with my day? I can’t help but feel sad about our current state.

I was talking to a friend over the weekend who was telling me how down she feels when she reads the news. Who wouldn’t?! If I spent a day listening to news radio, watching news television and reading newspapers, I would very likely think the world was going to end the very next day. Why is that? Is that what is true about us humans? Does the news show the worst parts of us because that’s what sells, while the best parts don’t interest anyone?

As I have written in past articles, it would be ideal to have mature, ethical people handling our media, but that is not the case. Is the pursuit of power and money the main motivator for many of the owners of media outlets? If that is so, where are we going to end up if we continue showing the worst parts of ourselves to everyone as if it were an ideal?

I went to a conference recently, where the writer was invited to speak about his latest book. In the middle of the interview he said something that really caught my attention. He said that about fifteen years earlier, he had written a book about people on Wall Street that showed the lack of morality and humanity that many of them had. He wanted to let the world know what was going on. But his book was used as an example for many aspiring traders and Wall Street executives. He never expected this, and was surprised and shocked. 

Take the example of the movie “The Godfather.” I think it’s a great film from the point of view of movie making, but awful in what it shows. Phrases like, “it’s not personal, it’s strictly business,” have become popularized and used as an excuse. The quote, “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse,” also became popular, as did many others. Here we have a code of honor that is enforced through violence. Then the movie shows these same criminals as loving parents and husbands. What does a human being need to do to kill someone in cold blood and then go play with his children, or make love to his wife? How fragmented do people need to be to be able to do that? For how many people has this movie become an example?

Be rich, get ahead at whatever cost. “It’s not personal, it’s just business,” they say before or after doing an unethical act, before doing something that they know is bad.

How is it that violence is shown so openly on television and in movie theaters while sex is heavily regulated and shown to be bad? One does not necessarily justify the other, but violence may become so much a part of our daily lives that we now view it as normal. How many of our children watch TV shows and movies? How many of our children play violent video games? What are the effects of that? 

What kind of children are we going to raise if we perceive violence as an ideal or as something necessary to get ahead? Are we going to have more violent children leading the world? Are we going to have desensitized people leading our most important institutions? Where would that take us?

By becoming immune to others’ pain, we lose our own humanity and our capacity to try  on what it would be like to be other people, to try to understand and feel their struggles, their lives. This is part of what makes us human. Our caring is in part motivated by our ability to deeply feel what it would be like to be another. What if we lose that?

When we see a mother crying over the death of her daughter, can we try to feel what it would be like to be her? What about a fearful solider who is proudly going to war because he believes--whether correctly or not--that he is doing something good for his country? What must it be like to be them? What about all the people who have died in concentration camps because those in power saw them as obstacles to their goals? What must it be like to be those in power and do such an act? What would it be like to be the victims?

We can’t lose our humanity, our caring and our deepest inner feelings of wanting the well-being of ourselves and others.  If we lose this, we lose the basis of any worthwhile moral standard. What good would any morality be if it doesn’t include the well-being of all of us humans and all that exists?

How are we supposed to have a “normal” life after reading, watching and hearing what is going on in the world? Maybe we shouldn’t have a normal life! If all humans were disgusted and took action to hold themselves and their leaders accountable, we would live a different reality. We can’t accept the status quo as “the way things are” and think that it will always be like this. If we do, we are accepting and approving the violence and crimes that many of our leaders and common people commit. Maybe some people would like us to believe or feel that there is not much we can do to change things. Maybe some would like us to feel impotent and powerless.

So should I go on with my day after reading the news? I need to go work to provide for my family; I need to take my children to school, pick up dry cleaning, pay my bills, go on vacation, etc. Yet, the Gandhis of the world say, I can’t take this, I can’t live my life without doing something to change the way things are, and it starts with myself. So should we all become like Gandhi? I don’t know.

Still, I can say that to live in denial of the reality of the world is to live in a lie. And to live in a lie is to live in a pretend world, which is the way I believe many people live. Sooner or later reality--what’s really going on--will show its face and come to bite us.

We can’t cheat the laws of the universe. If I say I can’t gain any weight because I’m superhuman, and then I eat twenty thousand calories a day, burning only two thousand, I am going to gain weight whether I deny it or not, whether I try to hide it with my clothes or not. Even if I don’t want to be aware of it, I’ve gained the weight. 

That’s how it is if I believe we can live a joyful, wholesome and deep life while lying and pretending, while trying not to feel the pain of what’s going on with our fellow humans.  And you know, it doesn’t have to be this way. We live in the world we live in because of the way we are, all of us. If one of us steps up and changes for the better and becomes an example to others, we are all better off. If a few of us hold our leaders accountable, then they will know they can’t get away with anything. If more ethical people step up to become leaders, we will have a better world. It’s up to us. 

We all have responsibilities and commitments that take a lot of our time and attention, and that is good. If everyone became a Gandhi, we would not have computers, cars, movie theaters, doctors, nurses, etc. Everyone can play a different role, but let’s not use this as an excuse to deny and delete the reality of our world. On the contrary, let’s be proud to participate in full awareness. If all of us come together, we can make a big difference with little effort. But if just a few come together to make a difference, the load is very heavy.

To be honorable members of our communities is good. Though we are not born honorable and noble, we need to work at becoming this way. That process, that journey, is the process of holding our highest values, our highest version of who we could be, and working to make it true in every moment of our lives. It’s to stand up after every failure and continue to work at it; this is what makes us stronger. 

We can live a “normal” life without denial; we can live in full awareness of ourselves and the circumstances around us. This way, our work can become more meaningful and we can live proud of who we are and the type of children we are raising. We can have a family, we can go to work, we can go on vacations, we can play and have fun, even if there is so much pain the world. Suffering because others suffer would only make a world of sufferers. No, let’s be joyful. Let’s put in the effort to become better.

If you are interested in taking action please contact me.

Edgar Boone