It seems to me that many people (specially in the western world) believe that the path to happiness is the path of building a “perfect picture.”

And the path to creating this perfect picture is usually related to going to the right school, to have the right friends, to have the right job (or company), to have a good salary (or income), to have the right things, to be “well” married, to have perfect children, a nice house, a good car, vacations and if you’re lucky even be famous and recognized.

I believe the above picture of success was built in us, it was indoctrinated by the culture in which we grew up. And even though every culture may have it’s own unique picture of success, it seems to me most of them are based on external factors that do not take into account our humanness.

This doesn’t mean that having all the above things is bad. No, not at all. What I mean to say is that the belief that having all the above things is going to create ever lasting happiness, is a living a fantasy that can only end up in disappointment. And this disappointment can lead to depression, lack of meaning in life, bitterness and even suicide.

This is why a student may commit suicide if not accepted into the right school or why someone may choose to end their lives when loosing their fortunes. This is also why some people look for external pleasures in food, sex or drugs to try to fill an inner void that leads often to other addiction problems.

I believe if we want to be and create more wholesome people we need question the unrealistic pictures we’ve been trying to build:

What if we never have the house of our dreams? What if we don’t make as much money as the “Jone’s”? What if we don’t have a body considered beautiful by society? What if we are not the most handsome or pretty?

What if we don’t have the perfect looking and behaving children? What if we don’t have a nice car? What if we don't’ have all the wealth we need to get all the things we believe will make us be “someone”? What if….what if….

You get the picture.

If we find ourselves unhappy, it would be good for us to explore what expectation is not being met.

For example, lets say we thought if we were famous, we were going to be wanted, we were going to be loved. Let’s say that after much work and maybe some unhealthy behaviors, we become famous and many people admire us and want us. But what if the people that we actually wanted to be wanted by, do not wants us or love us?

We may end up confused: How could this be? Weren’t we going to be loved and wanted if we were famous? Well, maybe by some, but not all. Maybe the most worthwhile people do not love or want another because of their fame or fortune, but because of how they are, because of who they are.

And maybe it would've taken the same amount of work it took to be famous, to try to become the type of person we actually would like and admire.

No matter how much we try to get things from the world to be happy, it is never going to be enough, because the external can not create the internal.

Someone doesn’t become honorable, noble and self respecting just because they have money. What if we inherited a fortune? Is the fortune going to make us have better values? Is the fortune going make us believe more in ourselves and in what we are capable of producing? No, it won’t.

But many in this world believe that if they won the lottery, a lot of their problems would be solved. But would they really? Would their newly gotten fortune give them a better relationship with their children? Would the money they got by luck, give them the same character traits as the person that build their fortune? Is the newly acquired fortune going to erase all past mistakes? No, it won’t.

No material possession or person can give us self respect and joy. No matter how accepted or recognized we may be by others, they can not make us accept ourselves and see our own beauty and magnificence. No matter if we are poor, rich, famous or unknown, self love is earned, it is earned by every decision we make towards whats good for us.

But if we are constantly comparing ourselves to the perfect picture we inherited from our cultures, we are only going to end up feeling inadequate and not-enough. Why? Because we are never going to be “perfect”, we won’t because we can't fit into unrealistic expectations of us; specially when these expectations do not take into account our uniqueness, our humanness.

For example, let’s say we live in a culture where it is not ok for children to express their emotions. It is not ok for them to cry, laugh or be “too happy”. Do you think it would be realistic to expect children to not express? No, it is not.

What is this society to do if they want to create non emotional children? They are going to force them to be something that is not natural. What if they succeed? They may create non expressive children, but they can’t create healthy and joyful ones. Using repression and violence to force another to be something they're not doesn't really work.

I believe if we want to have a sense of well being, self respect and a belief that it is ok to be who we are, we need to question the unreasonable expectations we are trying to achieve and exchange them for worthwhile reasonable challenges. If we do so, we will become more real, more humane and less artificially perfect.

With love,

Artificially Perfect